The fact of the matter is, if you don’t like where you are in life, or are dissatisfied with life in any way, it is your choice to change it. It is not up to your parents, or your spouse, or your boss, or your kids. You are responsible, 100% for your life, and how it turns out. When things turn out the way we want, we take credit. When things turn out in a way that were not desired, then it is usually someone else’s fault. We truly believe that when things go bad, we are not responsible.
Newsflash, you are responsible. Your life is your responsibility whether things go good or bad. It’s your life to live, your responsibility to accomplish your dreams, to live the life you want. It is also your responsibility to own up to the times when your choices end in negative consequences, and quit blaming others for where you are in life…Your life – your choice.
You Always Have a Choice
I can’t count how many times I have heard, “I didn’t have a choice.” I know that it has come out of my own mouth several hundreds of times in my past. I am not alone when I say that I believe I was just the victim of other people’s bad behavior. I believed that some people were just lucky and others weren’t. I just happened to be one of the unlucky ones. I truly believed that there were times in my life when I didn’t have a choice, and I played the victim very well.
And then I came to learn that free will of choice is one of the greatest things we can realize. There are times that we may not like what we have to choose from, or the consequences that can come from certain choices, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have a choice…because we always have a choice.
We may not have a direct choice in a certain situation. A child does not have a choice whether he/she is going to move to another town with his/her parents. I should know, my dad was military when I was young and no matter how much I resisted, I still had to move when they did. I cried and moped with the best of them. But like most children, I adapted, and within a month or so, I had new friends and the new place wasn’t so bad. Eventually, I even forgot about the place I had left.
In the end you always have a choice, if not directly with the situation, then you always, always, always have a choice about how you will react to something. That is really about the only control you ever have in this world, is how you react to life. Life is going to happen, it is your choice as to how you will react to it.
You Are Responsible for the Choices You Make
This comes down to being 100% responsible for your life. You don’t get to just claim the good choices, and blame others for the poor choices you make. “Well, he made me do it because he yelled at me,” is something you might hear a teenager say. Teenagers do NOT like to own up to when they make poor choices. It is easier to blame friends, or parents, or teachers when they have to suffer consequences for their choices.
You are where you are in life because of the choices you have made, whether they be good, bad or indifferent. Basic science says there is a reaction for every action. It was a little hard to swallow when I realized that it was my choice to stay in an abusive relationship for 11 years. I blamed my ex for making me stay in an abusive relationship, never realizing that it was My Life – My Choice…not his.
Once again, if you do not like where you are in life because of the choices you have made, start making different choices. If you want a better job, then start looking for a better job. Start focusing on what you do want and quit focusing on what is making you so miserable. You know what you like…you’re the only one who does…you’re the one who has to choose to find a job that you love, or at least don’t hate going to everyday. Having choices is empowering.
Happiness is a Choice
There has been a lot of talk about happiness these days, both how unhappy people are, and what they can do to experience more happiness. We choose every day what kind of mood we will be in. I know that I will get arguments about that, but it really is true. It is dangerous when you let external situations determine your happiness. If something out there makes you believe you are happy, as soon as it is gone you will no longer experience that happiness. You will now be sad. And that is why there are so many unhappy people in the world today.
I love that I get to watch kids’ movies with my grandchildren. They really are educational. If you have ever seen the movie, Trolls, you know what I am talking about. The lesson in the movie is that happiness is already inside of you, sometimes you just need a little help to find it, or choosing it.
You can choose to be happy or you can choose any of the other thousands of emotions out there, but in the end it is your choice. If you get angry, that was your choice to react to that angry feeling, and yell and scream, or to not react and just sit with the feeling, maybe figuring out why something is making you so angry.
Anger is not a bad emotion, it depends on how you react to anger. I can only imagine how angry Rosa Parks was when she sat down on that bus, but her reaction to that anger started the Civil Rights movement, and she didn’t exhibit any violence at all. She didn’t call people names (like was being done to her), she didn’t spit in anybody’s face, she didn’t take a swing at the policemen, nothing. But her silence was heard, and thank goodness it was. Even though we are still experiencing racism in the 21st century.
Don’t Regret Your Past Choices
We have all made choices that didn’t turn out the way we wanted them, or expected them to. I don’t think there is an adult alive that doesn’t look back and wish they had made a different choice in some situation. There are even ones who dwell on how their life would have been different if they had made different choices. Dwelling in the past does not help us. The past is past, and it just needs to stay there. When we dwell in the past, regretting the choices we have made, it only lends to suffering depression.
You can’t go back and change the choices you have already made, but given the same situation, you can decide to make a different choice, one that you won’t regret. Regretting the choices in our past only lends to making ourselves feel worse about where we are in life, and harder to see what our lives could really be like if we start making different, better choices for ourselves.
If You Want a Different Life, Make a Different Choice
Your Life – Your Choice. You are the only one who is going to live Your Life. If you don’t like where you are in life, the job you have, where you live, make a choice to change it. You are the one who has to make the choice to change it, not anyone else. And remember, you always have a choice. The minute you tell yourself you don’t, you become a victim.
You, and you alone, are responsible for your life and the way it turns out. It is not up to your parents, your spouse, your kids to make your life what you want it to be. They are responsible for their lives. When you accept 100% responsibility for the choices you have made you become empowered. If you made the choices that landed you here, then you can made different choice if you want to be someplace else.
Sometimes the only choice we have is how we are going to react to our thoughts, our emotions, the situations we find ourselves in, because that is the one thing we always have control over. You can choose to be happy or you can choose to be miserable. And if you choose to be miserable, at least accept the fact that that is what you are choosing. I, myself, try to choose happiness whenever I get the chance, even when life isn’t perfect, which is most of the time.
Focus on the choices that you have in this moment, don’t worry so much about the ones you have already made. You made the choices you did because you did.period. Doesn’t really matter why you made them anymore, they are in the past and you couldn’t change them if you wanted, so why dwell on them. Make a different choice the next time, and then you won’t have to have regrets, and you can live fully in the present moment.